I thought after yesterday’s ride I’d maybe feel a little better today - I felt better last night - but yeah… No. I guess sleeping is kinda like a “reset” back to sad. At least the crying is mostly under control.
It’s painful, every realization of the things I took for granted…. Like never using a lead rope or being about to bridle/unbridle without worrying about him trying to get away… Or not thinking about our surroundings or potential spooky things because nothing ever made him spook… Or just having a horse that anticipated your next move… Feeling safe enough to ride without my helmet… A thousand other little things.
And I can’t help but obsess over the comments from his breeder - I’m 99% positive she didn’t stop at just sending me a message and it kind of makes me sick to think about what she’s said to other people. I have such a hard time with her idea of what happened- I want to know how she came to her conclussions.
I should be at 6 flags with E and A today but I felt so guilty about missing more work I just couldn’t do it - plus it’s my dad I have to answer to here and between the OKC show and Airy, I’ve missed a lot of work.